I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
