I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
