Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
