if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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