just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
