well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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