I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your penis caused this!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
