Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
