I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
