I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
