He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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