and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
