I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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