mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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