its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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