2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
