We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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