you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
