sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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