Duck Duck Cougar?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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