i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
