we're making bets on your personal life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
