I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
