I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
