I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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