just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
