Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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