I think im going to throw up on grandma
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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