were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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