Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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