then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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