Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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