I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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