I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
