So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
