all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
