you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
