FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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