in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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