oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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