hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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