Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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