He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I could fuck to npr.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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