there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
being pregnant is like rehab
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
