I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When are your genitals available?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
