sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
