Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
