I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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