I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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