im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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