So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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