I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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