Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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