Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
