Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
