i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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