I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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