you're like a bully in the Christmas story
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
