Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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