gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
