I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
