Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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